Rule Puritanica: The Art of Mass Indignant Outrage

Wherein a worrying new trend in our society is examined and widely condemned.

Dear Libertines and sex-fiends!

I simply must find myself commenting on a worrying trend that is slowly but steadily boiling my blood.

Generally speaking our society swings from conservative puritanism to radical sensuousness in great catastrophic arcs of amnesiac madness. And each seems totally unaware that this has happened before.

Don't believe me? Check it out people! There was the Puritan era of Cromwell where Christmas was illegal and thousands were hanged for suspicion of antics to do with devils, demons and other wondrously fun things. And that was followed by the Restoration of Charles II where the Earl of Rochester wrote fabulous pieces of work entitled Signor Dildo.

In a reverse exchange the extravagance of Marie Antoinette and entourage was turned on its head (pardon the pun) in the Terror which involved the destruction and bloody murder of anything deemed an unseemly display of wealth.

The Victorian Era of staidness and the sheer utter despair of World War One culminated in the most fantastically outrageous Roaring Twenties involving Flappers and hooch-parlors. And then descended again into a Great Depression and the industrial grade horror of World War II.

The Generic homogeneity of the 1950's erupted into the moratoriums of the 1960's and then sold themselves out into the anthem of Greed is Good in the 80's. (Although I must admit, if there is one word I can use to describe the 80's it wouldn't be 'puritanical')

And at no point in history does the community at large wake up and realise 'oh wait, we've done this all before.' And usually we just take things too far and people get hurt or hanged or shot.'

Our lack of understanding regarding cultural swings from sensuous extravagance through to flesh-hating puritanism, is our greatest downfall as a species. George Satayana once said: 'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.' Well guess what people, we don't seem to be remembering. Earlier in my blog, I discussed the correct terminology for us as a species, as 'clever-man' didn't really suit. I think we looked at the 'violent-man'. And other such nasty terms. I think perhaps now the term 'unconscious-man' may be appropriate or possibly 'deluded-human' due to the fact that we believe we are more in control of ourselves as a species than in fact, we are.

I am annoyed as I am beginning to see a huge shift in culture toward puritanism and I blame Tracy Grimshaw. It's for many reasons, but primarily because she is evil and she smells, and indeed she resembles Miss Piggy when she's angry. But having completed my ad hominem attack I shall now address the real issues.

Deep in Terra Australis, we have a culture of (and I love the use of dialectical accentuation here) "Shee'yal be roiyt Mayt!" Meaning: Don't worry about it. -It is our unintelligible way of saying 'Hakuna Matata'.

Well of late, we as a country are becoming worried about it. We're not sure what 'it' is exactly, but as we're in a war on terror and the terrorists aren't living up to their end of the bargain we feel we need to be concerned and frightened about something. So, in short, we are concerned. Enter the cultural programming institution which is Channel 9 prime time news.

Knowing their audience demographic are over 40 and are therefore credulous and accepting of anything they present through their boxes of light and wonders, as long as its presented with the appropriate somber faces and emotive language, Channel 9 has done some truly extraordinary feats of orchestrating mass hysteria in the name of ratings grabbing.

To be fair, of course, Channel 9 is not the only voice of orchestrating mass hysteria. But then, that's to be expected as our media is the most concentrated in all of the Western world, having the majority of it owned by Murdoch, Packer or Fairfax.

But still, as Channel 9's horrendously titled A Current Affair is the loudest voice and the most watched example of cultural programming to date, we will focus primarily on it.

It begins with a chef. His name is Gordon Ramsay. He has made a stunningly lucrative career out of being rude and swearing on public television. It's sensationalist and as a result he's a celebrity. Well, guess what, chefs are people in high pressure jobs. They swear a lot. They also have tempers. It's really nothing that sensational. What is sensational is the fact that somewhere in Australia, a television company loosened its opinions regarding language on television enough to air Gordon Ramsay. At no point did they go, 'jeez, this guy seems to swear more than a Quentin Tarrentino film, we may need to NOT have him on our public television station.' No, instead they aired his shows and then in a stunning feat of cross-promotion had their own news-shows cluck their tongues about how sensational it was to have a man on air that would swear like that.

And so a media celebrity is born. And of course, very soon, more people come to watch him swear and be rude and other such crowd-pleasing shock tactics rather than to see him cook. And it works, so good for him!

Or at least it worked for him until he accidentally fired a verbal volley at the wrong social programmer.

You see, A Current Affair, hasn't bothered to cover any real news story in a very long time. Most of their stories entail some glorified infomercials dressed up as 'exposés about diet pills thigh creams and shonky car mechanics etc.

And that's not even counting the ridiculous amount of cross-promoting that they air in the name of 'news.'

Well last week, rather than cover the economic crisis and the Australian budget's success, rather than cover the acid attacks on Indian students, instead of covering the truck bombing in Peshawar or how the Federal policies regarding the indigenous population in Northern Territory are fairing, instead of all of these vital and important stories that effect real people's lives, channel 9 instead chose to use up their valuable 20 minutes of prime air time to cover an interview with a famous chef, who just so happens to have a television show on their station.

The interview was tawdry and tedious as most of their tabloid ratings grabs dressed up as 'journalism' are, -it's what happened next that makes this story worthy of any note.

During a cooking show, where Gordon Ramsay performed and did tricks before an admiring audience, Gordon did what he did best and of course let off a series of insults and rude remarks aimed at people in general. He probably picked Tracy Grimshaw as a target because he knew we would know who she is. Anyway, there were some insults hurled in her general direction. Something about how she looked like Miss Piggy, something about her being wide and cold inside like a refrigerator. What is interesting is that his audience chuckles along appreciatively, it is, after all, the very stuff that they paid to see, and the very stuff that Channel 9 exploits to grab ratings by airing his shows and by having Tracy Grimshaw interview him in the first place. Here is what he actually said:

And then, what truly stunned me, was that Tracy Grimshaw, battle hardened, 'serious journalist' Tracy Grimshaw, dared to take up our valuable prime air time that should be devoted to covering serious events in order to respond to his hurtful statements as she was told that you should always 'stand up to bullies.'

This is not the playground Tracy, and you are not 5 years old. He is not a 'bully' he is a guy that's paid by your bosses to be rude, and he does his job well. You on the other had are paid by your bosses to be a journalist. That means you should be presenting the truth objectively and in a professional manner. Neither of which you've demonstrated particularly well.

In short, Gordon Ramsay is very good at what he does. Tracy Grimshaw is not. She violated professional agreements with Gordon Ramsay's staff and, worst of all, used her position as journalist to coerce an emotive response from her viewing public against him.

But then again, this sort of behavior is to be expected by Tracy and her institution of orchestrating public outrage. I call to the witness stand Chasers War on Everything.

'The Chasers War on Everything' is a shock tactics comedy show. They mock everything. Including rules of acceptability. And the other week they made a sketch that parodied the conventions of the sincere charity commercials that tug at the heart-strings. It was an example of black humour in a shock tactics, 'oh my god they went there' kind of way. And here it is:

Enter Make A Wish Foundation, not to be confused with the Starlight Foundation whose logo they ripped off. Make a Wish Foundation were full of righteous indignation that sick little children would be up at 9:30pm and be offended by the skit that could appear to be at their expense. Of course, it wasn't aimed at their expense, any fool could see that, however, a seven year old child in a weakened state due to their illness, and that they should of been put to bed over an hour ago, may not have the social skill to detect such a nuance. And of course, the Chaser's crew apologized for any misunderstandings due to the lack of intelligence of possible viewers. And that may have been the end of it.

But in strides Tracy Grimshaw and the A Current Affairs team, flamng swords blaming with righteous intent, full of emotive phrasing, and tabloid's grabbing outrage. Because nothing sells like sensational condemnation. Suddenly the Chasers War on Everything 'Have Gone too Far'! And that they ought not have made a skit that was insulting to sick children. (which it wasn't aimed at, but lets not let nuance get in the way of a good hate-mongering)

What's interesting then, is that the skit was pulled from any re-runs of the show. AND that the Chaser's War on Everything was suspended for two weeks. Excuse me? A Comedy show was taken off the air? Since when did Australia have the same censorship laws as North Korea?

Now, if they remove the Make a Realistic Wish Foundation skit due to the (perceived) insult to sick children surely they ought to have removed the 'In-breedy Bunch' sketch that was insulting to any victims of incestuous sexual assault, and the Footprints sketch that was insulting to Christians and the one that was insulting to the Cronulla Sharks etc.

Get it? Comedy is, by its very nature either absurd, or based around other people's suffering. That's it. So while we're all about not offending anyone, we might as well outlaw all humor, like Cromwell did when he banned Christmas. And why then is Funniest Home Video's not considered to be the most evil thing on television?

At the end of the day, A Current Affair has lost their direction in regards to journalism and are hoping that the public wont notice by keeping them indignant and outraged at someone, anyone, who may be popular and ratings winning at the time. It could be Germaine Greer, Clare Weberloff, Corey Worthington, The Chaser Boys or Matthew Johns, but basically A Current Affair thrives of orchestrating public outrage and condemnation, for transgressing their 1950's up-tight, humourless, puritanical moral crusade.

We just voted out our conservative government. Lets not be infected by it in our homes through the public indictments of a clearly maniacal Tracy Grimshaw. Lets face it, this is no longer a news show. This is entertainment, kind of like Big Brother because its reporting on 'reality'. So maybe, just maybe the powers that be will consider Tracy to be too old and moralising for her position and she'll be unceremoniously ousted and replaced by Kyle Sandilands and Jacki-O in a short lived new format of A Current Affair.